Shortly after North Carolina Attorney General Roy Cooper tagged the Duke Rape case as "a tragic rush to accuse" Duke University President Richard H. Brodhead issued this statement:
"Hey, did you hear about that Imus guy? What a dick!"
Following the president's statement 88 Duke University professors jointly issued the following statement:
"Don Imus is a social disaster....and a dick!"
Durham District Attorney and life long Democrat Mike Nifong could not be reached for comment. According to his office, he was on his way to Pascataway, New Jersey to charge Don Imus with being a dick in front of black people. Nifong's office denied that he is simply trying to garner African American votes.
Diddy, Ice-T, Ludacris and 50 Cent issued a joint statement "We gonna kill that mutha#@*#ing cracker! Ain't nobody dis our ho's!"
Al Gore released a statement claiming that issuing statements is a contributing factor in global warming.
President Bush was said to be considering invading the Imus Ranch in an effort to locate weapons of mass destruction.
What did Don Imus say?
"My goal is to goad people into saying something that ruins their life. "
(He really did say that!)
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